LIST OF RULES

1. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions.

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game,
I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute,
unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat.
You are out of your mind if you expect me to ………………
listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, etc. ….it wont happen.

5. you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am,
unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!!
If you see me upset because England are losing,
DO NOT say, “Get over it, its only a game,” or, “Don’t worry, they’ll win next time.”

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch the game
but please only talk to me during halftime
and ONLY when the commercials are on.

8. The replays of the goals are very important.
I don’t care if I have seen them already or I haven’t seen them at all,
I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies,
or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night
is just as important as the games themselves.
Do not even think about saying,
“But you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch??”

The reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2.”